Never a Failure.. Always a Lesson

12-9-09

Today I am in a weird place. I should be studying but i can't get my mind off certain things. Why is it hard to let go of people who you once had feelings for even though you know they are who you thought they were... like the guy who i was seeing earlier this semester. He was younger than me by 2 years but despite the lack of maturity, I thought i would give it a chance. I really fell hard when he stopped talking to me out of the blue. He did have a good heart but he wasn't willing to go the extra mile to make things work. He was like a kid who wears PJs to class they are there but they didn't bother getting dressed. He was there but he wasn't adding anything to my life besides temporary happiness. This is when i realized that what i need is someone who will be a positive addition rather than someone who doesn't bring anything except physical things. We just had an instant attraction nothing substantial that could build a sucessful friendship or relationship. He lacked motivation, determination and i couldn't even see where he was going or what he wanted to do. He was so conflicted all the time and he gave into peer pressure. I wasn't sure who he was. I knew who i was though, i did lose sight of things with him though which should have been a sign that he wasn't right for me.

I am a sucker for love. In the past, I haven't always been this way. I haven't always wanted to find someone else to share my life with. I was young and I just wanted to have fun. I didn't want to find love because I didn't even know what love really was. I kept my guard so far up that i would constantly confuse guys but i thought better them than me. I really want to get to know someone. One of my main thrills in life is getting to know other people. It is something that really is exciting to me. Recently I've met a couple of new guys but few have that extra something that makes me want to get to know them. There is one though. We will see how that goes.

Exams really have got me going crazy!!!! I just want to scream! Soon they will be over! I just gotta make sure I don't lose sight of the goal! The goal is what should push me forward! =) This semester has been one of growth. I let someone close to me, closer than i ever have which was really scary especially since he wasn't really ready for it and we were on different pages and mindset but i am not sorry I let him close. I still care about him. He has wonderful qualities and i wish i could still be friends with him but i don't have control of other people or their wants/desires so for now we aren't really friends. Maybe one day he will realize the good in me.

"Never a failure, always a lesson" - this quote is something I live by. Every single day is a learning experience. There is no such thing as failure only lessons learned. I guess it's optimistic but when you live in the Yes, positive things happen to you. When you live in the No, you are less likely to be success I find.

I am loving Alicia Keys' new album The Element of Freedom! =) I find her so inspiring because she is not doing what she does to make money but she is doing it to touch people with her music.
I have been listening to her album for the last 48 hours. lol!!! Man.. she is one of my favorite artists of all time! Anyway I need to get back to studying.
Ciao!
-K